Still waiting for that “platonic friend” to notice you’re perfect for her? (PART I)

It’s known as “oneitis.” It’s the feeling every man comes to know at least once in his life when he falls in love with a woman who regularly tells him she loves him too … but only “as a friend.”

This is also the one non-Craigslist-related question I get asked most often: How do I turn a girl from a friend into something more?

Researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire have come to the rescue with some fresh insight. They surveyed the opposite-sex relationships of more than 400 adults, ranging in age from 18-52. Their findings offer some important scientific observations on which any man can make some important decisions.

FINDING #1: “Attraction in friendship is happening, and it’s persistent,” says lead author April Bleske-Rechek, associate professor of psychology. “In the majority of (opposite-sex) friendships there’s at least a low level of attraction. And if it’s coming more from one friend than the other, it’s probably the guy.”

FINDING #2: Men reported more attraction to their female friends than women did to their male friends; men overestimated their friend’s level of attraction to them, while women underestimated attraction; and men reported a stronger desire to date their friend than did women.

FINDING #3: The men assumed that the women were more sexually interested in them than they actually were – and the women tended not to realize this.

So what does this mean for the guy who is helplessly in love with a girl who only “loves” him back as a friend? It means this:

Regardless of how many love songs a guy hears or how many movies he sees in which friends become lovers, it’s rarely something that happens in real life. Once a girl decides a friendship is platonic, a guy’s fate in usually sealed.

So does a guy have any chance at all in making a friend into something more?

Yes. In some situations, there IS a chance of changing the entire dynamic. Check my next blog entry for more about how this can actually work.

Three perfectly logical (but completely wrong) reasons the Craigslist Conqueror methods couldn’t possibly find hot women for sex

One of the great things about my experience as an author is that I get to tell my story all the time, usually to audiences that have never heard it. When I explain how a bald, broke, overweight guy slept with more than 120 beautiful, sexy women over 18 months, I am generally greeted with two responses:

1. Wow, that is awesome. Maybe any regular guy can have the sex life of a rock star.
2. Liar!!!!!!

While I appreciate that first response, it’s easy for me to understand the people who gravitate toward the second one. After all, each of our life experiences tells us that it’s highly improbable for a shy, unattractive guy with no money to attract beautiful, sexy women who just want to have sex with him. So it’s probably impossible for that same guy to get on Craigslist, meet 150+ sexy, attractive women and have sex with 120+ of them. After all, we all “know” several things that make this story impossible:

1. Craigslist is just so … creepy! Nothing of any value could happen there.
2. Attractive women don’t need to go to Craigslist to get laid.
3. A guy who is a “5” will never get a woman who is a “10.”

If any of these three assumptions are true, then every part of my methods must be impossible. Right? Not so fast. Here’s why:

1. Craigslist is just so … creepy! Nothing of any value could happen there.
Craigslist itself is just a forum where everyone who participates can be completely anonymous. That anonymity sometimes allows people to act in creepy, vulgar and sometimes even illegal ways, and you certainly need to be careful of those people. Fortunately, those people are pretty open about their creepiness, vulgarity and/or illegality, so they’re not too hard to identify and avoid.
However, it’s that same anonymity that makes Craigslist perfect for attractive, educated women who want to explore their dirtiest, most taboo fantasies. That same beautiful woman you keep trying to attract on a traditional dating site may have fantasies that she would never consider sharing any place where she’s not completely anonymous. So she’s on Craigslist, anonymously looking for a “Master,” a “Dom,” a “Daddy,” a “sub” or anything else that feels too dirty to look for on a site where she has to fill out a profile. Will she ever admit her fantasies to most people? No. She won’t even admit that she’s ever been on Craigslist. But the guys using the Craigslist Conqueror methods aren’t just attracting her attention … they’re meeting her and living out her wildest sexual fantasies.

2. Attractive women don’t have to go to Craigslist to get laid.
This is 100% true. No attractive woman needs any website to get laid. But then, NO WOMAN I’VE EVER MET ON CRAIGSLIST JUST NEEDED TO GET LAID. Each attractive woman who is on Craigslist is looking for a VERY specific experience. That experience is NEVER about just getting laid. It’s about fulfilling a fantasy that no man in her life has been able to offer. Usually these are simple fantasies to fulfill, if you just pay attention, but most men don’t. If you can offer her the EXACT experience she’s looking for, if you can communicate it in a way that wraps her in her fantasy and makes her believe she will finally experience it, and if you can make her feel safe doing it, she will be on her way over to your place just a few hours after your first contact with her.
Of course if you want to prove that you can only find unattractive, desperate women on Craigslist, you can do that too. Instead of wrapping a woman in a fantasy, just offer her a chance to get laid. And include a picture of your crotch.

3. A guy who is a “5” will never get a woman who is a “10.”
This is also 100% true … in dating. A guy who isn’t attractive, wealthy or special in any way usually isn’t going to get a date with the prom queen. But this is NOT dating. This is fantasy fulfillment. She’s not planning to introduce you to her friends and family. She’s not going to consider coming home to you every day for the rest of her life. But … if you convince her that you can safely fulfill her deepest fantasy, she will come over to your place, she will experience the sexual fantasy she has always wanted to fulfill … and then she will go home. If she enjoys herself, she may be back. Your looks aren’t a factor in the same way they would be if she was looking for a life partner, or even if she was just looking for someone to take to parties. If you fall short of dating material and you’ve gotten her excited enough about her fantasy, she will come over and give you a night you’ll look back on fondly for the rest of your life.

Don’t believe me? Listen to a few of the guys who have tried the Craigslist Conqueror methods. Or you can just try it for yourself!

How do you distinguish the spam from the real women on Craigslist?

This is another question I get all the time. Answering this one is vital to any man’s success on Craigslist. There is a LOT of spam on Craigslist. Every fake ad and every fake email exists to talk you into spending $40 or more on a monthly subscription to a dating/sex/porno site instead of finding what you’re really there for.

Why? Because your average spammer, using nothing but a server and a few thousand IP addresses can make over a million dollars a year spamming Craigslist. The question is this: do you want to help a spammer get rich, or do you want to meet a woman? If you want to meet a real woman, read on.

To most guys using Craigslist for the first time, the spam looks no different from the real thing. Guys who don’t know what to look for can spend entire nights doing nothing but responding to spam. But there is a secret to avoiding all of the spam!

THE SECRET THAT SPAMMERS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW

Every fake ad on Craigslist and every fake email response was generated weeks before you read them. The act of posting spam ads and sending out spam emails is completely automated. The spammers have clever tricks to make you think you’re talking to a real girl, but there is no technology created yet that will trick you if you knows most of the spammers’ tricks.

I devoted an entire chapter to recognizing and avoiding spam in my book, and if you keep in mind everything I coach you through, you will avoid 95-98% of the spam on Craigslist.

In case you’re here looking for a couple of quick tips, here are two that will allow you to recognize and eliminate nearly half of the spam coming your way:

• When you’re responding to women’s posts, don’t bother responding to anything that is more than 35-40 minutes old. There are many of reasons for that, and they’re all in the book.
• When a woman responds to one of your posts, if she sends you a link to ANY site, she is spam. I have probably met more women than any other man on Craigslist, and NEVER ONCE did a real woman send me the link to a site other than Facebook. And on those occasions when she DID send me to Facebook, it wasn’t until we had sent several emails back and forth.

These are just two of my 20 Rules of Spam, found in Secrets of the Craigslist Conqueror. Each rule is simple and easy to remember. Follow them, and while other guys waste the night replying to “girls” who just want to sell them expensive subscriptions to dating/sex/porn sites, you’ll be able to devote all of your attention to finding the real women, wrapping them in their fantasies and living those fantasies!

Can this method work in a conservative city?

This is another question I get almost every day. Women in conservative areas, particularly in the south, seem somehow too conservative to fit most of the profiles of Craigslist women I write about in my book. While liberal areas usually offer the very best environment to find women open to fulfilling their fantasies, women in the most conservative cities still offer a great deal of opportunity.

Every woman has a sexual fantasy, regardless of where she lives. Some can communicate those fantasies to a partner who will listen and respond appropriately, but some can’t. The women who can’t communicate their fantasies still need a place where they can consider fulfilling those fantasies where they can remain anonymous. And the most popular place in the world for that is Craigslist. Even in a conservative town. Just wrap a woman in her fantasy, getting her wetter and wetter with each word, letting her know she’s safe and that you can create an environment where she won’t be judged, she will speed over to your place to do EVERYTHING you describe.

Now imagine that same woman, but instead of on Craigslist, you meet her at a party, club or bar where she has friends, co-workers, maybe even family around. Is she going to share her dirtiest fantasies there? With a guy she has just met? A guy who may judge her or laugh at her or embarrass her, especially in such a conservative environment? What if, in this fantasy, she is completely the opposite of the image she tries to portray to the rest of the world? She can’t afford to share that with you, or with anyone. So she keeps this fantasy as one of her deepest, darkest secrets forever … until one day she finds a place where she can investigate this fantasy completely anonymously … and that’s where you come in!

I believe that, in many cases, the more conservative a woman’s upbringing and environment, the harder she’ll work to push down her fantasies. So … when she finally does find a place where she can anonymously explore her fantasies … watch out!

Does this method work for guys in their 50s?

It’s one of the most frequent questions I get: Will the Craigslist Conqueror methods work for guys in their 50s?

The quick answer: Yes it does. Thank you for asking!

The longer answer:

These methods work well for any man, regardless of his age. In fact, the Craigslist Conqueror methods might offer older men the best chance of success. The fact is that there are certain fantasies that a man in his 50s and 60s and even into his 70s can offer a woman in her 20s, 30s and 40s that a young man in his mid 20s can’t. Think of some of the most taboo fantasies such as Daddy/daughter, professor/student, Boss/ employee, etc. Every woman who has these fantasies knows they’re extremely taboo, and because of that, they often won’t act on these fantasies for years. Add the fact that it’s rare for women to have men in their social circles who are 20-40 years older than them, so even if the taboo was somehow removed, it might still be a challenge for them to fulfill these fantasies with a legitimately older man.

By not acting on their fantasies, over the years those fantasies just get dirtier and dirtier in a woman’s mind until an older man comes along, offering her a safe place — physically and emotionally — to live out everything she’s ever imagined. Once she finds that older man, she will release years of wanting, of fantasizing, of need.

It’s important to note fantasies don’t necessarily require an older man that is great looking or in great shape, just an older man who makes her feel safe.

Can you rise to the level of making her feel safe? If you can, then yes, this method will definitely work for you. Thanks for asking!

(For more on this subject, go here!)

At which PUA level are you operating?

Do you believe the ultimate PUA goal is as simple as finding women and getting them into bed? Yes, for some men that can be as deep as PUA ever gets. But there is SO much more than that for you to experience in picking up women. What level of PUA do you operate at?

LEVEL 1: The Horny Man

We’ve all been there. For some of us it was when we were in high school. For some, it was just this morning. Either way, Level One is a general feeling that a woman is needed. At this level, the man in question doesn’t have a clue as to how he might find the lucky woman. In PUA parlance, this is your common AFC (average frustrated chump).

LEVEL 2: The Man Who Knows He Deserves Something Better

You can get laid whenever you’d like. Perhaps you have a couple of regular booty calls or a friend with benefits. You’ve gained some confidence, and you feel your inner game growing. And while you appreciate the average-looking girls who make themselves available to you, there is this nagging feeling that you should be with the prom queen. Someone who really makes heads turn and makes your pals jealous. You don’t have a concrete plan as to how you will get a hot woman, but you have confidence that you’ll figure something out.

LEVEL 3: The Man With One Hot Woman

Congratulations! You've found the woman who makes your friends drool every time they look at her. And while there's no denying she's hot as hell ... there are just a few things about her that make you wish she would change about herself. Yeah, you're happy. But you know you could be a lot happier ...

LEVEL 4: The Man With Several Hot Women

You are living the PUA dream. You have a variety of hot women who make themselves available to you whenever you like. A booty call for every mood. You walk into any situation confident in the knowledge that you can quickly seduce the hottest woman in any room. You become the man that beautiful women want to be with and that other men want desperately to be. This is the end goal of most PUA advice. And yet, there is still one deeper level to explore …

LEVEL 5: The Sexually Complete Man

You have taken home enough prom queens to have learned that there isn’t a correlation between a woman's beauty and her ability to give sexual pleasure. You’ve realized that you deserve more than an okay blow job followed by average sex in the missionary and doggie-style positions. You want kink. Role-play. Alternative ways of fucking that some women just won’t to do. You want to swing from the chandeliers. You want to experience sex that you can look back on fifty years from now and smile. And you don’t want to waste your time picking up a girl and taking her home before you find out what kind of sexual experiences she’s up for. You've come to realize that sometimes you need the school slut (I recommend getting a couple of them at once, by the way) rather than the prom queen.

But where does the sexually complete man find woman like that? And how does he know how to avoid the ones who just want nice, average, regular sex?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve only found one place like that. It’s the one place where women wanting immediate sex are willing to be explicit in their sexual needs and desires. All I have to do is fill their needs. Piece of cake.

Are you curious about exploring Level Five of PUAdom? It's actually rather easy. You can learn more here.

Would you rather be a woman's considered purchase or her impulse buy?

HINT: Would you rather wait a month to get laid or would you rather be having sex right now?


Marketers have long understood that people buy different types of products in different ways. Some purchases require some thought, maybe some research. Others are “impulse buys.” Consider a woman at a grocery store. In the cereal aisle she picks up a brightly colored box. She reads the contents, checks the calories, maybe the amount of sugar and the price. She puts that box back on the shelf and picks up a different brand, repeating the process. Finally she makes her choice, puts it in the cart and moves on to the next aisle. The next time she’s in this aisle, she may simply buy the same brand again, or you may see her examining multiple brands before making her choice. This is a considered purchase for her.

But watch that woman when she gets to the checkout line. She grabs a pack of gum and throws it on the conveyor belt. No real examination of contents, price or anything else. She grabs it and the decision is made. This is an impulse buy.

It’s the same way with online dating/sex sites. The traditional sites are set up to make you a “considered purchase” for her. You answer questions. You fill out compatibility surveys. You write essay questions about who you are and what you want. You give them more information than even the IRS would ask you. By the time she writes her first word to you, she knows: your height, your body type, your eye color, your hair color, your age, your birth date, whether you’ve ever been married, if you have any kids, whether they’re living with you, what part of town you live in, your hobbies, your pets, the industry you work within, what you like to do on a date and a variety of other things you may choose to share about yourself. On some sites she even knows all of your sexual proclivities and/or your yearly salary. She approaches that site with a long-term plan: she joins, she carefully fills out everything, and then starts reading the notes she gets from the thousands (yes, thousands) of men trying to get her attention, with the intention of studying each one, and responding to the ones that seem like the best prospects. She then starts going out on dates with the expectation of finding the perfect long-term partner.

The very fact that a dating/sex site presents so much information about you to a potential date creates the assumption that all of this information is important and needs to be taken into account. I mean, honestly, do you really care about her eye color or what she does for a living? No. But she is paying careful attention to every bit of information she sees on you, and making judgments with each new factoid.

So you have already been examined, probed and investigated before she even bothers to communicate with you. And if you’re almost her perfect match, except you’re an inch shorter than she’d like, or she’d really like to find someone with a different eye color, she moves on without so much as a hint that she might have been interested. Most women know they can find someone a little more perfect if they just keep looking. She owes it to herself to be picky!

But CL is the ONLY effective place online where you can position yourself as her “impulse purchase.” She finds herself at home and bored, more than a little horny, so she gets on CL to see who she can meet and have fun with tonight. Yes, there is a pretty good chance she’d rather be in a completely satisfying long-term relationship right now, but it takes a great deal of time and effort to get to that point, and she wants to have some fun tonight. It’s time for her to grab an impulse purchase and put it on the checkout counter!

So now she has no need to see a full explanation of who you are and what you are all about. You don’t have to commit yourself to a single deep exposition into your heart and soul that every woman will read, contemplate and judge. Now, when you’re on CL, you are just the words crafted in a response to her post, specifically for that woman to see. Or you are the words in your own ad, created to appeal directly to one kind of woman who will read what you have written and react with an email telling you she is interested, and interested NOW. With each communication, you will position yourself as exactly the man she is looking for tonight. She wants to go grab a drink at that new bar that opened up and then “see what happens from there”? What a coincidence! You were already planning on going there tonight! She needs someone who can please her orally over and over all night long? Perfect! That’s your specialty! She wants someone she can tie down and use however she likes? Wonderful! You can even bring the rope!

Your long-term goals, your career, your history, everything she would focus on if you were a considered purchase, it’s all irrelevant. Because now you’re an impulse buy. Just be fun, honest and safe, and you will get laid.


(This is an excerpt from the new hit book, Secrets of the Craigslist Conqueror: An Expert's Guide to Getting Laid on Craigslist. Would you like to read more? Go here.)