So you’re in love with her, but she says the two of you can only be
friends. As I established in PART I of this blog entry, once she gives
you the “just friends” designation, you’re probably never going to be
anything more. I say “probably” because I have witnessed exactly ONE
method that can change everything.
Contrary to what you’ve seen in the movies, trying the direct
approach – romantically confessing your undying love for her – isn’t
going to make her suddenly realize that she has feelings for you. Most
women are at least somewhat in touch with their feelings and don’t need a
heartfelt confession to realize what is truly in their hearts. So if
you try what you’ve seen in the movies, you’re going to end up looking
pathetic to her, and you will walk away thinking you’re a complete
loser. Don’t believe me? Ask ANY guy who has actually tried it. Or even
better try it yourself and let me know how it works out for you.
THE SOLUTION
There is one way to build your image in her eyes so that you MIGHT
have a chance at happiness with her in the future. It can change her
feelings for you, but even if it doesn’t, it will forever change (for
the better) how you feel about yourself.
STEP ONE: Find women who DO want you.
Notice I didn’t say “find a woman.” I said find WOMEN. It’s not hard to do, here’s how.
You will need four to seven of them, depending on how much energy you
have. You don’t want so many women in your life that you’re
short-changing any of them. Make sure you have the energy and the time
to satisfy each one of them, and they will each come back again and
again. You want to have a different woman for every mood, a different
woman for each night of the week.
Be completely honest with each of them about what you’re looking for:
just some fun, no strings, no relationships, but also allow yourself to
be open to more if everything feels right. You won’t have the type of
feelings for any of these women that you have for your “friend” (at
least not at first). None of them has to seem as perfect or as beautiful
to you as your “friend” (although at least of couple of them will be if
you do this right).
STEP TWO: Explore!
Use this time to explore every sexual fantasy you’ve ever had, and to
learn about every type of woman you can meet. Discover what you love
best about each type of woman, what you love most about every type of
sex and everything you love about yourself. Most men never give
themselves the opportunity for the type of exploration that comes from
having a group of friends with benefits available. They miss out on
learning much about pleasing women and pleasing themselves. Use this
time wisely.
STEP THREE: Just walk around.
Have you ever known someone who was once extremely overweight, then
lost every pound of it and is now incredibly fit? They walk with an
amazing sense of pride and confidence. Even if you never knew them when
they were overweight, you can absolutely sense their confidence now.
It’s the same way with men who know they can find a new woman at any time,
and who know they are able to sexually please any woman they meet.
Suddenly, women aren’t such a mystery anymore. Now YOU get to be the
mystery. As you go about your life, everyone will sense your newfound
confidence. They will sense it in the way you walk, the way you talk and
in the way you regard yourself. You will be asked if you got a new
haircut, or if you’ve been working out. People won’t be able to figure
out exactly what it is, but they will feel that you’ve changed something
about yourself for the better.
Everyone will see it. Coworkers, friends, family … even the one who feels you’re “just friends.”
And – contrary to what some screenwriters would have you believe –
the woman who thinks of you as “just a friend” doesn’t need to see you
with any of these new women to make you seem more attractive. That won’t
change anything. It will be your newfound confidence that makes all the
difference.
It’s the type of confidence that can never be faked. Either you’ve given yourself the experiences you need to feel that confidence, or you haven’t. And once you’ve gained that confidence, you can’t ever lose it.
STEP FOUR: Enjoy!
So what happens next? Anything is possible. In some cases the girl
who wanted nothing from you but friendship begins to sense something
different about you … although she may not be able to identify it. But
as your self confidence increases, so will her attraction to you. If her
previous decisions were based on the certainty that she could always
take your attention for granted, she will quickly learn that she has
lost most (possibly all?) of your attention. She will then need to make
some new decisions to get your attention back.
In some cases she will never completely change her mind about you.
But do you know what you will quickly discover about yourself? You will
learn that, above anything else, you deserve a woman who wants you. You
will discover that you deserve a woman who wants you in every way, a
woman who would never consider insulting you by saying all she wants to
be is your “friend.”
You will realize that any woman who still wants to be “just friends”
with you doesn’t deserve a place in your life. You will have grown. You
will demand better for yourself. And you will get it.
And guess what! You will now have several really awesome women in
your life who already see you as more than a friend. And if you don’t
feel any of them are perfect for you, you now know how to find more.
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